Hello all,
Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been so busy I seem to have forgotten that I started a blog. A few things have happened over the past few months that have really irked me and got me thinking. Namely, myself and my children have been "unfriended" on Facebook. Should we take it so personally when someone unfriends? After all I'm guilty of this too. However, when I unfriend someone it's usually because I don't like reading their offensive and/or inappropriate posts. So I guess in writing this I may be a hypocrite, which is the one thing I try my hardest not to be.
However, the instances where my children and I have been unfriended are a result of something happening in the "real world". Instead of these people coming to us and discussing/working through the problem, they unfriend, then blatantly ignore us in public. So I take it once you unfriend someone on Facebook, that automatically makes them invisible in real life?! Hopefully I don't start to actually disappear like Marty McFly in Back to the Future!
I do have to commend my daughter as she sent one of these unfrienders a message asking why, and she actually got a response. Although she stated her case quite maturely, the response was still "a decision has been made". Sorry to be slightly vague, but there are identities, both real and virtual to protect! In one of my cases, I was simply trying to be a friend for someone going through a difficult time and apparently his wife did not like this. Long story short I guess I can see where she was coming from, however, my husband was aware of this friendship from the very start and when I told her I would respect her wishes, she still felt the need to not only "unfriend" me, but to also block me. Which I guess truly makes us invisible. After all if we can't be found on Facebook then we don't truly exist, do we?! In this case, not only was I unfriended, but so was my son, which doesn't really make sense to me. Now to stop rambling.
I also find it amazingly unbelievable when people have more than, oh let's say 500 friends on Facebook. Does it make them feel special? More accomplished? etc.. Now I know there are exceptions to this rule, I do have friends who either use their Facebook page as business, and I have friends who have moved around alot for various reasons and really truly know at least 500 people that they truly want to stay in touch with. I also have some friends who have "game friends" on Facebook. But, you can tell which ones have "friends" just to see how high the number goes.
What business is this of mine? I guess none, but it does go back to my point of friending and unfriending. Do we assess our value based upon the number of Facebook friends we have? Do we start to fade away when we are unfriended? And what's with the people from high school who either never had time for us or were cruel to us suddenly wanting to be our Facebook friend? I guess what I'm trying to say is if I'm not willing to hang out with you in person, you're not going to be my Facebook friend. Hmmmm, maybe this is why people "unfriend", but still, before Facebook what did we do when a friend hurt us or there was a misunderstanding? It's too easy nowadays. The convenience of technology has replaced proper manners. My children don't understand why I say no computer, texting, or phone after 9pm. I try to explain that it's rooted in common courtesy, that back in the day before computers and cell phones, the common rule was no phone calls after 9pm, because it was late and considered rude to cause someones phone to ring at that hour of the night. I should also note that in spell checking this document, my spel check does not like the word "texting" lol.
O.k., I know I got a little off topic there, but I'm spiderwebbing my way back around. It all goes back to technology making it much easier to be rude, crude, and spineless. If you have a problem with someone have the guts and courtesy to process your feelings with them in person, rather than letting Facebook do it for you!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Dedicated to my mom for mother's day
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and moms-to-be out there, in particular my sister who appropriately chose Mother's Day to announce to the world that there's a baby on the way! Her and her husband have been having difficulty getting pregnant, so has another friend of mine, as well as a few others I know. This situation is another example of how confusing this world and God's plan can be. I know people who would make great parents and yet they have difficulty getting pregnant, then I know some, myself included that get pregnant on birth control. Then I know others who shouldn't be parents, don't deserve the precious treasure that are children, who can pop out one right after another, neglecting and abusing them for years. But, that is a soap box for another day. Today I would like to celebrate and acknowledge all moms out there.
Motherhood is both a blessing and curse when you really think about it. We are blessed with these precious little angels to cuddle and care for. But, we are also blessed with these little angels whom we now worry about constantly. We not only worry about today, but we worry about 10, 20, 50 years from now. Who will they become? Will they be happy? Successful? Will they stay out of trouble? Will they wait till I'm at least in my late 40's to make me a grandma? When will they break my heart for the first time? When will that first "I hate you" come?
Motherhood really is a never-ending, sometimes thankless job. But, it is also the best job in the whole wide world. I think God knows when we're "having one of those days", you know, when we feel like a failure. Wondering if we're screwing our kids up beyond belief?! Because it's on those days when one of my children will say or do something that makes my heart swell and causes me to laugh till tears roll down my cheeks.
O.k. I could go on forever about the ups and downs of motherhood, but I want to thank my mom. I was a fairly good kid, didn't cause too much trouble, although I did have a couple of run-ins with the law and broke curfew a couple of times. But what I've realized lately, when thinking about how a mother's job is never done, is just that! I waited until I was "grown-up", an adult who supposedly knew better, to really break my mother's heart. I made a couple of bad choices, that thankfully have led to wonderful miracles, but still, at the time......What was I doing to my mother? This woman who fed me, clothed me, sacrificed for me, provided a future for me, encouraged me, etc. I remember her face as I walked out the door, I remember finding out about how she sat at the dining room table days later and cried over the mistakes that I was making. And then, I remember how a few weeks later when I got sick, she brought me chicken soup. Then as I woke up from my "brain fart" as we like to call it, she opened her arms wide and welcomed me back home.
This is what moms do. We love unconditionally, just as God loves us. The day my son Dillon was born I turned to my mom and said "I'm sorry". She said "for what"? And I said "for everything". We never truly appreciate everything that our moms do for us or sacrifice for us until that moment we become moms. My mom did the best job she could do. She had just the right mix of love, friendship, discipline, tough-love, etc. Most of all she forgave me, everytime. Everytime I've let her down, she's given me a lecture, followed by a hug. Still to this day she is still mothering me. There are days when I'm counting down to the day when Taylynn turns 18 and "my job is done". LOL. There is no such thing! My job, just as my mother's, just as God's, will never be done. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Happy Mother's Day Mom.
Motherhood is both a blessing and curse when you really think about it. We are blessed with these precious little angels to cuddle and care for. But, we are also blessed with these little angels whom we now worry about constantly. We not only worry about today, but we worry about 10, 20, 50 years from now. Who will they become? Will they be happy? Successful? Will they stay out of trouble? Will they wait till I'm at least in my late 40's to make me a grandma? When will they break my heart for the first time? When will that first "I hate you" come?
Motherhood really is a never-ending, sometimes thankless job. But, it is also the best job in the whole wide world. I think God knows when we're "having one of those days", you know, when we feel like a failure. Wondering if we're screwing our kids up beyond belief?! Because it's on those days when one of my children will say or do something that makes my heart swell and causes me to laugh till tears roll down my cheeks.
O.k. I could go on forever about the ups and downs of motherhood, but I want to thank my mom. I was a fairly good kid, didn't cause too much trouble, although I did have a couple of run-ins with the law and broke curfew a couple of times. But what I've realized lately, when thinking about how a mother's job is never done, is just that! I waited until I was "grown-up", an adult who supposedly knew better, to really break my mother's heart. I made a couple of bad choices, that thankfully have led to wonderful miracles, but still, at the time......What was I doing to my mother? This woman who fed me, clothed me, sacrificed for me, provided a future for me, encouraged me, etc. I remember her face as I walked out the door, I remember finding out about how she sat at the dining room table days later and cried over the mistakes that I was making. And then, I remember how a few weeks later when I got sick, she brought me chicken soup. Then as I woke up from my "brain fart" as we like to call it, she opened her arms wide and welcomed me back home.
This is what moms do. We love unconditionally, just as God loves us. The day my son Dillon was born I turned to my mom and said "I'm sorry". She said "for what"? And I said "for everything". We never truly appreciate everything that our moms do for us or sacrifice for us until that moment we become moms. My mom did the best job she could do. She had just the right mix of love, friendship, discipline, tough-love, etc. Most of all she forgave me, everytime. Everytime I've let her down, she's given me a lecture, followed by a hug. Still to this day she is still mothering me. There are days when I'm counting down to the day when Taylynn turns 18 and "my job is done". LOL. There is no such thing! My job, just as my mother's, just as God's, will never be done. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Happy Mother's Day Mom.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Bad habits lead to bad attitudes
Before I get into the topic here, let me start out by saying that I do feel blessed. I have a good family, good friends, and we're all healthy and I thank God for everything I have. But lately I've been doing alot of reflection about who I am. For the last couple of years especially, I've been struggling off and on with depression. In me, depression results in lack of motivation and laziness. Although I've always been a procrastinator, I've always waited till the last minute. Todd really nailed it on the head once when he said "you only get motivated when you get yourself into a hole that you then have to dig yourself out of. It would be so much easier on you if you didn't waste your time digging the hole in the first place". This little quirk of mine drives him nuts. But, this is how I've always functioned. When asked in an interview about strengths and weakness I say "my weakness is that I procrastinate, but my strength is that I work well under pressure". Lame, huh?!
Well, it seems that lately functioning like this for so long and then dealing with the depression, I've really developed some bad habits. These bad habits have led to a very bad attitude. This has led to me surmising that I don't like myself very much. I do have positive attributes. I love my kids and I do alot for them, I'm there for my friends, most people like me and those who don't are just idiots, lol. But I feel like a failure in some areas and I feel alone. I know I'm not alone, I have plenty of people who care about me and who will do anything for me. But, the "alone" feeling is hard to describe. I'm not depressed, just frustrated. Frustrated with life and myself. I'm not looking for validation here, I don't want people to tell me how awesome I am. I think I'm just having some sort of early mid-life crisis.
It's a vicious cycle, I know what habits I need to change, but don't have the motivation to change them, my lack of motivation is one of them. I know my attitude will change when I change my habits, but.........well you get the point! So what come first?, the chicken or the egg?, the habits or the attitude?. It's a beautiful day outside, I think I'll go for a walk and see if I can find a better attitude and hopefully in the end a better me!
Well, it seems that lately functioning like this for so long and then dealing with the depression, I've really developed some bad habits. These bad habits have led to a very bad attitude. This has led to me surmising that I don't like myself very much. I do have positive attributes. I love my kids and I do alot for them, I'm there for my friends, most people like me and those who don't are just idiots, lol. But I feel like a failure in some areas and I feel alone. I know I'm not alone, I have plenty of people who care about me and who will do anything for me. But, the "alone" feeling is hard to describe. I'm not depressed, just frustrated. Frustrated with life and myself. I'm not looking for validation here, I don't want people to tell me how awesome I am. I think I'm just having some sort of early mid-life crisis.
It's a vicious cycle, I know what habits I need to change, but don't have the motivation to change them, my lack of motivation is one of them. I know my attitude will change when I change my habits, but.........well you get the point! So what come first?, the chicken or the egg?, the habits or the attitude?. It's a beautiful day outside, I think I'll go for a walk and see if I can find a better attitude and hopefully in the end a better me!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Why so stubborn?!
Hello all,
I realize I'm not off to a very good start on this blog, I was planning on posting everyday, but oh well. As I mentioned in my first blog I get frustrated when I can't figure out what God's plan is for me. Well, what I've also learned is that I get stubborn! I get a picture in my head of how something is supposed to be and I fight and struggle to make it that way. This usually ends up in failure, after failure, after failure. What I have learned is that when I finally stop being so stubborn, God opens the proper doors. This doesn't mean that I've stopped being stubborn though, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.
My latest and longest stubborn fit has to do with my career and just what I'm going to do with that expensive degree of mine. Here's what I want.....I want to be in private practice so I can see clients, help people, yet have the flexibility to be there for my children. Sounds simple and easy enough right? Wrong! One problem/obstacle is that we live in a very rural area. This can be both an advantage and disadvantage. There are very few providers in his area, so very little competition and a need for services. The disadvantage is the small populations and economic means in this area.
So why not move to a bigger city? Because my family is the most important thing to me. We own our house, as in no mortgage payment or rent payment. And I love the school my children attend and the community as a whole. This community is founded on Christian beliefs and family values. I know drugs, gangs, violence, sex, etc.. can happen anywhere, but around here there is really no problem with underage drinking (I'm not so naive, I'm sure some of the kids are doing it), no drug problems in the school, and not one pregnant teenager in the high school. There are very few places where you can make that claim. So we're staying put, not moving, even if that would mean more opportunities in the career department. I should mention that a move could even mean opportunities for my husband as he is not using his degree either.
I don't want to make alot of money, I just want to contribute, take some stress off my husband. He has had to work so hard to allow me to follow my dreams. I often say that I can't wait for the day when I'll be able to spoil him. I'm getting a little off topic, back to my stubborness.
As opportunity after opportunity keeps falling through I get more and more frustrated and confused. I thought I was following God's plan. But maybe He has a different plan for right now. I have worked a little in the past 5 years while getting my degree and doing my internship, so I have never referred to myself as a stay at home mom. But, I'm realizing that maybe that's what I am. I have been blessed to be able to go to all my children's activities and be here when they get off the bus. So I'm wondering, am I supposed to be a stay at home mom for now? With my degree though, I can be both. I can schedule my appointments around my children's schedule. I could make a little money to take some of the pressure off my husband. So why is God not opening up those doors?
I am currently working on opening my own practice, but I am a little bit of an instant gratification type of girl. So the slow process is frustrating me and I fear that I am once again just being stubborn and fighting to make my world match the picture in my head!
Sometimes I wish God was on Facebook or could just send me a text explaining what I'm supposed to do. Where is the syllabus of life? Where's that little green arrow like in those commercials leading me to where I am supposed to go? Where's the instruction manual? You get the idea. Some people think that having faith makes life easier. Well sometimes it does, but sometimes it just frustrates the heck out of me. Sometimes I just want answers, but I will keep the faith, because God has led me here so far and things have turned out pretty good for the most part. I have a wonderful family, live in a great community, have excellent friends, and we have our health. Now if I could just get a job!
I realize I'm not off to a very good start on this blog, I was planning on posting everyday, but oh well. As I mentioned in my first blog I get frustrated when I can't figure out what God's plan is for me. Well, what I've also learned is that I get stubborn! I get a picture in my head of how something is supposed to be and I fight and struggle to make it that way. This usually ends up in failure, after failure, after failure. What I have learned is that when I finally stop being so stubborn, God opens the proper doors. This doesn't mean that I've stopped being stubborn though, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.
My latest and longest stubborn fit has to do with my career and just what I'm going to do with that expensive degree of mine. Here's what I want.....I want to be in private practice so I can see clients, help people, yet have the flexibility to be there for my children. Sounds simple and easy enough right? Wrong! One problem/obstacle is that we live in a very rural area. This can be both an advantage and disadvantage. There are very few providers in his area, so very little competition and a need for services. The disadvantage is the small populations and economic means in this area.
So why not move to a bigger city? Because my family is the most important thing to me. We own our house, as in no mortgage payment or rent payment. And I love the school my children attend and the community as a whole. This community is founded on Christian beliefs and family values. I know drugs, gangs, violence, sex, etc.. can happen anywhere, but around here there is really no problem with underage drinking (I'm not so naive, I'm sure some of the kids are doing it), no drug problems in the school, and not one pregnant teenager in the high school. There are very few places where you can make that claim. So we're staying put, not moving, even if that would mean more opportunities in the career department. I should mention that a move could even mean opportunities for my husband as he is not using his degree either.
I don't want to make alot of money, I just want to contribute, take some stress off my husband. He has had to work so hard to allow me to follow my dreams. I often say that I can't wait for the day when I'll be able to spoil him. I'm getting a little off topic, back to my stubborness.
As opportunity after opportunity keeps falling through I get more and more frustrated and confused. I thought I was following God's plan. But maybe He has a different plan for right now. I have worked a little in the past 5 years while getting my degree and doing my internship, so I have never referred to myself as a stay at home mom. But, I'm realizing that maybe that's what I am. I have been blessed to be able to go to all my children's activities and be here when they get off the bus. So I'm wondering, am I supposed to be a stay at home mom for now? With my degree though, I can be both. I can schedule my appointments around my children's schedule. I could make a little money to take some of the pressure off my husband. So why is God not opening up those doors?
I am currently working on opening my own practice, but I am a little bit of an instant gratification type of girl. So the slow process is frustrating me and I fear that I am once again just being stubborn and fighting to make my world match the picture in my head!
Sometimes I wish God was on Facebook or could just send me a text explaining what I'm supposed to do. Where is the syllabus of life? Where's that little green arrow like in those commercials leading me to where I am supposed to go? Where's the instruction manual? You get the idea. Some people think that having faith makes life easier. Well sometimes it does, but sometimes it just frustrates the heck out of me. Sometimes I just want answers, but I will keep the faith, because God has led me here so far and things have turned out pretty good for the most part. I have a wonderful family, live in a great community, have excellent friends, and we have our health. Now if I could just get a job!
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